“No” is a phrase the majority of us use also rarely. And, what’s worse, once we say “No” we usually add on all kinds of wheedly explanations. However,”No” is a complete sentence, and here is why.
Saying “no” is all about creating personal boundaries that allow you to concentrate your time doing the things that can make the maximum impact.
Here are three ways to say “no” so that you can select the best way to spend your own time.
Let us start by agreeing to this premise: If we do not know how to say”no” to things, then saying “yes” loses meaning.
When we say “yes” to what, we are actually constructing moves and communities that are based on the versions and standards we are attempting to battle against. You know these standards well, those that are not likely to live around and are fueled by capitalism, a culture that prizes busy-ness and causes individuals to curate their own lives to perfection social media.
In part two of our self-care show, we are focussing on the term “no” because it is the anchor to get every thing “yes” in our own lives.
We feel like we are not doing enough and that matters are likely to fall apart with no personal participation. Obviously, logically, we all know this isn’t correct. We realize that with everything happening in the world, even when we have been capable of functioning 24/7, it wouldn’t be enough.
In addition to this, our civilization places an unrealistic value on the pursuit of busyness. Society tells us that when we aren’t working on some thing, anything, we are only wasting time. Therefore, if the reason we are saying”no” is so that we can find the time to do some thing for ourselves , perhaps, even manage to do”nothing at all” (gasp!)
Even if we finally muster the courage to say “no” or even “I can’t,” we then feel obligated to provide up an explanation to warrant this unfavorable reaction. That’s why I’d like you all to think about for a minute that the term “no” is actually a complete sentence.
Saying the word “no” when someone asks you to do something, and then not after this up with all the “why” may feel strange, impolite. The charged space that phrase leaves behind is palpable.
Obviously, the receiving party will probably fire back with a “why?” When you provide up your considerate reduction. (Yes, the term “no” is considerate.) If this happens and you believe that stating “no is a complete sentence” is a little harsh, consider bundling your courage with a tiny bit of vulnerability. When pushed to get a reason for a number of my uses of “no”, I have frankly and unabashedly reacted with declarations such as:”I am exceptionally exhausted and mentally unable to take on another commitment.” Not only does this rarely, if ever, elicit a challenge, but my willingness to become raw and fair has, at times, inspired others to do the same or at least applaud my attempts.
Three Ways To Say No With The Word “No”
Should you are feeling rude or abrupt simply by stating “no,” there is great news . There are many alternative ways to say “no” without uttering the term.
- One level of departure from the term “no” will be saying”I can’t.”
- Two levels of departure are saying,”I will get back to you” and purchasing yourself enough time to provide a pep talk so that you can politely decline.
- Three levels of departure are saying yes to another person by creating alternatives, sort of like a “reverse-Jedi mind suggestion.” I discovered myself hard-pressed to say “no” for this especially-pushy Executive Director, so that I blurted out,”I can take care of the registration table that night!” By changing the answer out of a negative one (something that you can’t or will not perform ) to something positive (something that you can or are willing to perform ).
How to Create a Culture of Consent
Learning how to say “no” is kind of like learning how to meditate–it is a habit that you have to cultivate. We will need to put up personal boundaries around what we are and aren’t ready to accept our own mental stability. And saying “no” does not only mean diminishing invitations or saying “no” to extra work.
Setting up boundaries means recognizing that other individuals have boundaries, also. This means asking for approval (another habit to cultivate!) Before unloading your day on somebody else or entering a heavy conversation at that casual dinner reception. By way of example, I have a buddy who is a fellow activist and that I appreciate her dearly because she always asks me things like,”Hey, do you have the mental capacity for me to port to you now?” Or,”Are you really okay with me asking your ideas about the [fill in the blank news story] that happened the other day?”
Within the boundaries of your boundaries, you can also feel free to draw a line in the sand if a person unleashes on you at a social gathering or a random meet-up by saying something such as,”I am so grateful that you just trust me with this narrative, but I am at full mental capacity right now and that I trust you can understand. This approach actually trains individuals to ask you for approval from the future and enables them reclaim their particular self-empowerment by providing them permission to do exactly the same.
How to Say”No” On Yourself
Learning how to say “no” isn’t something that you merely have to perform with different people, it is something you want to learn how to say yourself. (Chances are, you are the worst offender of all) Saying “no” to yourself means creating personal boundaries that will ultimately lead to your well-being within the long term. Here are some ways to say”no” on your own:
- Saying “no” to that news app that sends you alerts multiple times a day
- Saying “no” to assessing the information several times an hour
- Saying “no” to each and every troll in your social media feed because you realize that you are not likely to change their minds and that you are just depleting your energy.
- Saying “no” to assessing your telephone first thing in the afternoon.
See a theme ? Saying “no” to yourself frequently goes hand in hand without being aware of the times throughout your day when you are acting on automatic pilotreacting instead of picking!
We have to be happy to unclutter these items out of our own lives that sap our energy at the small moments, where we are not actively deciding to say “yes” and only allowing things into our own lives. Creating new habits means understanding where you have become habituated–in which you have lost contact with the second.
As soon as we take charge of the ways we are “automatically” saying “yes” to things we might otherwise say “no” towe give ourselves space to say “yes” to things that really matter.
So how can you learn how to select your yeses? Here’s a Fast practice That Will Help You learn when to say “yes”:
Take a breath to think about what it is you are saying “yes” to? Am I really doing it for the ideal reasons (what is my motivator)? Can I let this go and make space for something that matters ”
At some point, you might realize that it is not always “something” that matters more. It is taking the opportunity to acknowledge,”I matter, also.”
In doing practicing to pick your yeses, we start to filter out all the things that matter least in exchange for those items that matter most. The longer time and space you create to accomplish the things that align to your individual goals and functions, the better you are likely to feel about being selfish with these yeses.